


Sunflower

by AlysHeadHurtss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Castiel is a Novak, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester Friendship, Dean Winchester is So Whipped, Gabriel Being Gabriel, Gabriel is a Novak, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Jealous Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Probably angst tbh, Sam Winchester Knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-07-02 03:51:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15788379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlysHeadHurtss/pseuds/AlysHeadHurtss
Summary: Dean was nine when he first met Castiel. Castiel. He thought he was beautiful.





	1. So He'd Be a Seed

**Author's Note:**

> aHHHH OKAY, this is my first fanfic so uhhh bear with me??? I'm just testing some stuff out so this chapter will be a little short!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dean was nine when he first met Castiel. Castiel. He thought he was beautiful."

Dean was nine when he first met Castiel. _Castiel._ _He_  thought he was beautiful.

His mom had taken him and Sam to the park. He insisted he was old enough to go play on his own. Mary sighed and gave in, on one condition, he stayed in the area. So he did. Sorta.

There was a part of the park with a garden of sorts. It was always swarmed by bees so he tended to keep away from it. To avoid being stung, of course.

That is, until he saw him.

There was a boy. He was dirty and wore no shoes. His eyes were closed as be swayed with the wind. He twirled and kicked and jumped and skipped.

Dean could only stare. How could he not be afraid of the bees, especially when he was moving so much?

I _ought to warn him,_ he thought as he cautiously made his way towards the boy.

"Excuse me?" he asked tapping him on the shoulder.

The boy's eyes opened. He scanned over Dean and looked around.

"Are you here to talk to the bees, too?" he asked, a smile painting his face. Dean shook his head, "Bees can't talk, silly." 

"Yes they can! They communicate by dancing. I read it in a book."

"Oh. Is that why you were dancing just now?" He nodded vigorously, "Yes," he whispered like it was a secret made only for the two of them, "I want to speak to the bees."

* * *

 

"Would you like to talk to them with me?" 

Dean shrugged, "I don't dance, really."

"Oh, it's okay. We can do something else if you'd like," he assured him. 

"It's fine. I like watching you dance." He smiled once more, "Really?" Dean nodded.

"Thank you...whatever your name is."

He blinked,  _oh right, "_ Dean. Winchester. My name is Dean Winchester, " he said, the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly.

"I'm Castiel," he outstretched his hand, "It's nice to meet you, Dean Winchester."

He took his hand.

"You too."

Then, a voice came from a distance, " _Dean! It's time to go home!"_ His mom.

"Well, I guess I better get going, " he motioned towards the direction the voice yelled.

"Guess so. Goodbye, Dean." 

"Bye," he waved as be ran off to his mother.

"Where were you?" she asked, Sam on the other side of her.

Dean smiled and shook his head, "It's a secret."

She grinned, "Okay, well, just make sure this little secret hiding place of yours isn't also a place of mischief, young man."

"No promises," he joked. She nodded, "I thought so."

On the way home Dean found himself consumed by thoughts of Castiel. Would he ever be able to seem him again? 

As he got ready for bed that night, an image of him popped into his brain. His blue eyes and dark hair. Him spinning and gliding as if the rest of the world no longer existed. Like it was just him and the air flowing all around him.

He thought of his smile.  _Beautiful._

Dean fell asleep.

* * *

 

 

* * *

 


	2. And With Some Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is sixteen when he sees Castiel again. It was like a dream. Or a crappy movie. He hated the way a small glimpse could affect him.
> 
> That was cheesy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boY these chapters are really short so I'm going to TRY to make them longer!!

Dean was sixteen when he sees Castiel again. It was like a dream. Or a crappy movie. He hated the way a small glimpse could affect him.

That was cheesy.

_Gross._

Castiel had changed. He'd gotten taller. Way taller. Maybe not as tall as Dean, but still. The guy was considerably tall.

Dean remembered thinking Castiel was beautiful when he'd been younger. He wish he could say he felt the same now, but be didn't. 

He was still beautiful.

Just...in a different way.

Back then he was beautiful in the sense that he was full of joy. He was youthful and soft. He was calm. He felt safe.

Now, he seemed more...rough? Rough. Yeah, he matured. He seemed more reserved. Like he still resided in his own little world, but it wasn't as bright as the old one.

He seemed tired. Worn out.

His world seemed to be caving in on him rather than surrounding him in a protective state. 

Was it weird that Dean felt like hugging him? Run his hands through his hair and tell him it's okay.

Yep. 

That's was probably weird.

Most definitely weird.

"Yo, Earth to Dean, you've been spaced out for the past 5 minutes. Are you okay, dude?" It was Charlie.

Charlie had been Dean's best friend for about 4 years now. At first everyone wondered if they liked each other.

Once they got to highschool, well, that rumor was completely and utterly debunked by Charlie's blatant lesbianism.

He cleared his throat, "Yeah, sorry. Got distracted. What were you talking about?"

She had a confused look on her face but decided not to pursue question. Dean liked that about Charlie. She always knew when to drop something or when to keep pushing.

"I'm going to a convention on the day of our next movie night, so I'm gonna have to cancel on you, buddy."

He nodded scanning the crowd of kids for Castiel once more, "Right, yeah. You're ditching being a dork with me for being an even bigger dork with a bunch of people. Got it."

"Dude, seriously, are you okay? Looks like there's something occupying your attention at the moment."

"I'm fine, Charlie, I swear. I just think I saw this guy I used to know."

"A guy?" she questioned.

He rolled his eyes, "Yes, Charlie. A guy. It's absolutely absurd, I know."

"This guy you speak of, would he, and totally hypothetically, be super tall with messy hair and strikingly blue eyes?"

Dean hesitated, "...Yeah, how'd you know?"

"He may or may not be walking over here, most likely to talk to you, right now."

"Wait,  _what?_ "

* * *

 

 

 


	3. Some Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're Dean Winchester right?"
> 
> "Depends. Who's asking?"
> 
> "Castiel. You might not remember me, but we met at a park some time ago."
> 
> Dean shifted, "I know. I was just messing with you, man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AhHHHHH AGAIN, SHORT CHAPTERS, SORRYJSSJSJS

"So Dean," Charlie slapped him on his back, "I'm heading to trig. You have fun with Mr. Dreamy."

"Wait. No, Charlie-"

It was too late. Castiel was already in front of him and there was no escaping.

Not that he wanted to escape. Okay, maybe he did. Just a little. He may not have known  _why_ he wanted to run for the hills as soon as he met his eyes. He just did.

"You're Dean Winchester, right?"

"Depends. Who's asking."

"Castiel. You may not remember me, but we met at a park some time ago."

Dean shifted, "I know. I was just messing with you, man."

"Oh."

He chuckled, "After all, it's kind of hard to forget someone who dances to talk to the bees"

Castiel tinted slightly red, "Right. That was me. Sorry for that."

"What's there to be sorry for? I told you I liked watching you."

He cleared his throat, "Well, did you?"

Dean smiled, "I did."

"Good to know. Anyway, I have to head to class. Have a nice day, Dean."

_Dean._

God, he really had changed. His voice was a lot deeper. Dean wanted to hear him say his name again. Just so he wouldn't forget.

Okay. Class. 

Class was the same as usual. Boring.

Nothing really happens where Dean lives. There's not much to do. There's bowling and karaoke. The basics, but nothing too spectacular.

He thought about Castiel.

He couldn't help but wonder how someone like him ended up in some place like _this._

It certainly wasn't a place for people who danced for the bees.

It wasn't a place for a lot of people Dean knew. Charlie. Sam.

They were too good to be here. To smart. Too... everything.

They had potential. A future. Dean was probably destined to be stuck in the same old town with the same old people forever.

Just like his dad would've wanted.

 


	4. Some Sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this on a car ride to my grandma's oofty

"Dean? Is that you?" his mom yelled from the kitchen.

He set down his stuff as he closed the door, "Yeah?"

She came into the living room, "You're home earlier than usual."

He shrugged, "Last class was cut short."

She smiled, "Okay."

Dean adored his mom's smile. It was always so welcoming. Made him feel like he was still a little kid. Made him feel loved.

"Well, since you're here, you might as well help me prepare dinner. Sam should be home soon."

* * *

 

Dinner was nice. Sweet 

Sam was clearly more excited to be back at school than Dean was. He mentioned a girl named Eileen.

"Oh, she's deaf, but she's super smart. She's really nice, even when other people are mean. She also knows a lot about technology and stuff."

Dean smirked, "Sounds like someone's got a crush."

Sam blushed, "I don't! I just think Eileen is cool."

"Uh huh. Sure, Sammy," he teased knowingly.

"Whatever, Jerk."

Dean ruffled his hair, "Bitch."


	5. He'd Begin to Bloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's see if I can make this a longer chapter ahHH

The rest of the week went by as usual. And by usual Dean meant he totally did  _not_ talk to Cas (Yes, he'd even given him a nickname) every chance he got.

He'd pretend to forget a pencil or ask what the homework assignment was even though he already knew.

Luckily, Cas was a nice guy.

He never called Dean forgetful or said anything when he'd casually bump into him supposedly on his way to a class on the other side of the building.

No. There was none of that.

Instead, they formed a friendship.

Now, they weren't as close as Dean and Charlie by any means, but they were friends.

Dean suspected this was because he was worried he'd scare Cas off.

He's slip up and mention something he wasn't supposed to. He really couldn't deal with that right now. He liked Cas and really enjoyed hanging out with him.

He liked how his eyes crinkled when he laughed.

He liked how he ran his fingers through his hair when he was focused on something.

He liked how he could always tell when he was sad by just looking at him.

He liked how his face changed shape when he tried his best not to smile at one of Dean's crappy jokes.

He liked how he was shy and still managed to be on good terms with everyone he met 

He liked how he spoke like a professional dictionary.

He liked how his eyes would light up when he saw something he found something pretty.

He liked  _Cas._

And he hated it.

* * *

Every year, Dean's high school hosted a beginning of the year camping trip.

It was mostly to welcome kids back in a way that wasn't completely boring.

They didn't really do anything on the trip. They hung out. Had fun. You know, high school stuff.

Dean didn't tend to care about them. That was until he was notified this was Cas' first camping trip _ever._  

He was determined to make it the best experience possible.

"Dean, that really won't be necessary," he had told him.

"Nonsense, Cas. It is my job, as your certified friend, to make sure you have a blast when you experience things for the first time."

Dean really didn't want Cas to have a sucky time on this trip. He didn't deserve it that. He deserved to relax and have fun just like any other kid.

But when had Cas ever been like any other kid?

When the bus arrived in the morning, Dean was relived that he didn't have to sit next to some random dude for 12 hours straight.

Ideally, he'd sit with Charlie but girls and boys were always seated on different busses so that was out.

Now that he'd befriended Cas, he finally had someone he knew to sit next to.

"Alright guys, we're boarding the busses now so find a seat and stay there."

"Hey, Cas? Wanna sit together?"

He nodded, "I thought you'd never ask, but I'm glad you did. In the short time that I've been here, you and Charlie have been the only people I've managed to become friends with. I have to say it'd be quite uncomfortable being seated next to anyone else."

"I can speak from personal experience, it totally would be," he chuckled, "Anyway we should get on now."

"Right."

"Right."

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12 hours on sitting in close proximity on a bus, what could go wrong folks?


	6. He Began to Sprout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's gay lmao

It didn't take Dean long to come to the conclusion that he was deeply fucked.

The bus ride started out fine. Castiel requested to sit by the window and Dean happily obliged. Everything was just dandy. 

They talked and joked and slept. It wasn't until the Sun started setting that Dean realized Cas being near a window with sunset lighting was a mistake.

"Isn't it beautiful, Dean?"

"What?"

He grinned, "The world."

Dean couldn't say anything. He just hummed in agreement.

Cas sighed contentedly and rested his head against the window.

The Sun seemed to hit his face in a way that made him seem perfect. Angellic, even.

Dean's heart did a flip when Cas' eyes fluttered eyes shut and his mouth opened just a bit tad bit.

He was asleep. 

Oh god, Dean couldn't stop staring at him.

He pulled out his phone, he couldn't help it, and snapped a picture of him.

This whole scene reminded him of when he first saw Cas. Wild hair and bare feet gliding against the ground.

He seemed so happy. No, he  _was_ happy. Dean would give anything to see him like that again. Anything.

He'd never admit it, not aloud anyway, but he wanted to be the cause of him returning to that state again.

Maybe one day he would be. But for now, he'll what he can get 

* * *

 

The first day on camp grounds are always the least eventful. There's just a lot of unpacking and eating and sleeping. Some kids hang out by the fire but nothing really happens.

Just like the busses, the section of camp where boys and girls slept were separate.

A lot of people slept on the floor. Dean was one of those unlucky people.

He woke up at 3am, back aching. He decided to go and stretch his legs. He masterfully stepped over piles of sleepy boys and made his way out of the room.

Then, he saw light and heard something come from the kitchen area. Out of pure exhaustion, he decided to go see who was up along with him.

He opened the kitchen door to see Cas, he jumped, "Oh, Dean you startled me."

His voice was deep and groggy. Dean liked it.

"Sorry buddy, what are you doing up?"

"I wanted a glass of water, would you also like one?"

He rubbed his eyes, "Sure. Hit me."

Cas filled up two cups of water, "Here you are."

"Thanks."

"I noticed there was a balcony." Their sleeping and eating quarters were on the second floor of the building.

Dean grunted, "Yeah, what about it?"

He shrugged, "I thought it'd be a nice view."

Apparently Dean hadn't learned his lesson about Castiel and nice  views, because as if on que he asked, ''Do you wanna go on the balcony, Cas?"

"Yes please."

They finished their drinks and set the glasses in the sink, "I'll grab a blanket. It can get sort of chilly."

Cas nodded, "Thank you."

* * *

 

They stood together side by side, blanket wrapped around them both.

"It's a lovely thing to be alive, isn't it, Dean"

"Huh? Oh yeah. I guess it is."

"I think Earth might be the prettiest planet."

"It just might be."

Cas inhaled, "We get to live and breathe on such a wonderful planet, and even when there is hate, there is also love."

Dean sighed breathlessly and smiled at his friend's optimism, "Yeah."

"You know, I'm almost certain love is what human's do best. It's unfortunate we live in a world where one can love unapologetically and be frowned upon. I sometimes think people are too scared of love. Maybe the act of it. They're scared of getting to close just to get pushed away. I understand that. But I wonder, if love is so scary, why is it one of the only things that has the power to bring us all together. How can you  _not_ want to love?"

At this point, Cas had been looking Dean in the eyes.

_How can you not want to love?_

He looked back.

_I don't know._

* * *

 

 

 


	7. Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank everyone who's read this and left a comment!! It means a lot to me so thank you all

The Sun painted the land a spectacular range of orange and red.

Dean's heartbeat rang in his ears as he glanced over at Cas.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to dance with me?"

He blushed, freckles standing out on his skin, "Ah, well, I kind of suck at dancing."

Castiel forced himself out of the blanket for more room, "No one said you had to be good."

Dean folded the blanket and set it on the balcony's rail, "In that case, sure, but you have to promise one thing."

"Anything, Dean."

"You can't laugh at me."

He shook his head, "Of course not. Just...follow my lead."

Cas held out his hand in a way that reminded Dean of when they were younger.

_Nice to meet you, Dean Winchester._

_I'm Castiel._

He took his hand.

* * *

 

The two glided against the wooden floor of the balcony. They both wore socks but Dean could feel the cold suface through them.

It was definitely more refined than Cas' old dancing ways.

Before he knew it, Cas was spinning Dean. He was careful with him, as if a wrong move would shatter Dean.

He could feel Cas' breath on him.

"I'm going to dip you now if that's okay," he spoke in a soft voice.

"Go for it hot shot."

Cas smiled and lifted one of Dean's legs, his torso resting in his other arm, "See," he started, "That wasn't so bad was it?"

He let Dean get to his feet once more, "Guess not. We might have to do that more often, Cas."

"I'd like that."

"Yeah. Yeah, me too."

* * *

 

After their little dance break, they decided to head to the room and at least try to get some extra shut eye.

Teachers didn't really care what the students did as long as nobody stayed in the rooms doing nothing.

Of course, this meant Cas and Dean wouldn't have a chance to sleep later on, so they might as well now 

"Good night, Cas -er, isn't it technically morning now?"

He yawned, "I suppose it is."

Dean chuckled, "Well then, mornin' Cas."

"Good morning, Dean."

As expected, as soon as they got in their respective sleeping areas, they we're out like a light.

Dean dreamed of Cas.

His eyes.

His name on his lips.

His utterly adorable case of bedhead.

His _everything._

Castiel Novak had taken Dean by storm.

And he had no idea what to do.

When they woke, teens were prepsring themselves for the day. Getting dressed and eating breakfast.

They greeted each other and joined their fellow classmates.

As they were getting dressed, or undressed in this case, Dean made the grave mistake of looking over at Cas.

He had taken his shirt off and he was now digging through his bag for a new one.

The thing about Cas was, you'd never be able to tell just by looking at him, but the guy was pretty built.

He had broad shoulders and Dean even spotted an outline of abs.

Oh god. Would he have to deal with distractions every morning?

Cas threw on a shirt and caught Dean looking at him. He grinned and messed with his hair before walking up to him, "Hello, Dean."

He cleared his throat and hoped the pink dusting his cheeks wasn't too obvious, "Hey, Cas. You ready to start your first offical day of camp?"

"Absolutely."

He gave him a completely  _platonic_ shoulder pat, "Awesome. Let's do this, then."

"Let's."

* * *

 

Once outdoors, they met up with Charlie.

"What's up, bitches?"

Dean shrugged, "Nothing much, just trying to make this the best camping experience ever because it's Cas' first."

She nudged Cas with her elbow, "Is it really?"

He nodded hesitantly, "It is."

She rubbed her hands together, "Well then, let's get this party started."

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas and whooped excitedly.

Maybe this year wouldn't be as bad as he thought it might.

* * *

 

Cas didn't know when he started falling for Dean.

Perhaps it was when he threw his head back in laughter, his eyes crinkling.

Maybe it was when he talked about his little brother, Sam, with the proudest big brother face a boy could muster.

Hell, it just might have been when they first met.

His eyes were big and green. Castiel remembers the way his hand felt in his own and they shook.

He was warm and safe. Cas wanted to hug him, but he decided against it when he denied his offer to dance with him. 

He thought if he didn't want to dance, he'd probably be uncomfortable with hugs.

He learned the hard way that people hated hugs. Well, most people. His brother loved his hugs. Said his hugs were lovely and that no one should tell him otherwise.

After his friends hit him and called him names, he stopped giving hugs. For good.

* * *

Castiel used to play near the water fountain. Once, a bug fell in and almost drowned. 

He saved it and let it be free.

Then, a girl in his class came and stomped on it.

She called it disgusting.

He cried and cried and asked how she could do such a thing. She just scoffed and walked away.

_"It's not like it matters. It was a bug, Castiel. They're made to get squashed."_

Sometimes Cas feels like that bug.

Like he didn't matter.

Like he was made to get squashed.

Maybe he read too much into things. Or maybe he was the bug. 

 _Or_  maybe he should try to have fun, because this wasn't the time to be moping around.

Dean and Charlie seemed happy.

Why couldn't he?


	8. And When His Stem Began To Break

Before they knew it, the day was over and Charlie decided to clock out.

True to their word, Dean and Charlie made it a wonderful day for Cas. He promised them he had a lovely time and that he was grateful that they even cared for his enjoyment.

Dean didn't know why it hurt him to hear Cas say that as much as it did.

Of course they cared.

Why wouldn't they?

They were his friends for God's sake.

Of course they cared. Dean often felt like Cas made it so easy to care about him. He was just someone you love and want to protect. Someone you care about with your entire being.

God, how could you not care about Castiel Novak?

"Dean?" Cas questioned, "Are you okay? You seem to be lost in thought."

"I'm all good Cas, whatta bout you?"

He tilts his head in confusion, such as Cas thing to do, "Why would you feel the need to ask me that?"

He shrugged, "Just wanna make sure you're okay. Y'know, because I care about you."

"Oh Dean, is this about the comment I made to you and Charlie earlier. I can assure there's no need for you to be reacting like this. I'm perfectly fine."

"I just want you to know you never have to be scared of us not caring, Cas. We care."

He smiles, eyes glimmering due to the moonlight, "I know," he says in an almost whisper-like tone.

"Good," Dean says equally as quiet.

They stand there in silence, excruciating eye contact the only thing reminding them that they're still there together. The only thing reminding them they aren't alone is this bat shit crazy world.

Dean cleared his throat and forced himself back to reality. A reality where Cas' eyes weren't the only thing in existence.

"We should probably be heading back now."

Cas nodded, "Right we should-, " he motioned towards the building that doubled as a giant cabin, "we should be joining the others."

Dean sighed, hesitant to move, he didn't want to return. He wanted to stay with Cas. He wanted to stay in their own little world where nothing mattered.

Well, nothing other than the way Cas looked at Dean. Nothing other than the we he looked at Cas.

"You don't want to go back do you, Dean?"

He chuckled, "I guess it's a bit obvious, isn't it?'

"Only a tad. If it makes you feel any better, I don't feel like returning either."

"Right, so what do we do now?" he pryed himself away from looking at Cas, settling to stare at the lake instead.

"I don't know. I was hoping you had something in mind."

Just then, he did, looking across the shinning lake an idea popped into his head.

"What do ya say we go for a swim?" He asked, a grin spreading across his face.

"Swimming? Right now. Dean, it's late."

"Exactly! Late night swims are the best. Plus, we're lucky no one's out here. We'll have the whole lake to ourselves."

Cas made his thinking face, "I suppose that does sound like fun. Oh! But what about our stuff? We can't go swimming fully dressed! And what about towels?"

Dean shrugged, "I can go in and grab our crap."

He sighed, "Okay, thank you, Dean."

"Any time."

Dean came back out holding the boys' swimming gear. Trunks and towels. They were all set.

"You wanna changed real quick, and then we can get to the good part?" he asked, already in his swimwear

Cas blushed, "Yeah, but can you turn around? Please?"

A similar shade of pink painted Dean's cheeks as he realized what the situation was, "Uh - right, yeah. I'll just be turning around now."

Luckily, they didn't have to wait in their tension for too long, because Cas changed into his trucks rather quickly.

"You can turn around now, Dean."

"Cool," he said awkwardly.

Dean began to think he'd never get over how fucking pretty Cas could be.

He was so delicate yet strong. He was like the ocean, his waves enough to both hypnotize and kill a man. 

"Dean, is something the matter?"

He blinked slowly, shit, "No, no, let's just..get swimming."

Dean made his way into the water, Cas following quickly after him.

He shivered, "Didn't expect the water to be this damn cold."

Cas smiled sympathetically, "It isn't all that cold."

"Oh yeah, tough guy?" He challenged the blue-eyed boy, "How's this for cold?"

He waved his hand, splashing Cas in the movement.

He stood there with his eyes closed and slowly spat out the water, "I would have spit out the water in your face, but I was brought up right. You were dragged, Dean Winchester."

He threw his head back in laughter, "I was dragged?"

Cas surpressed a giggle but failed to hide his smile, he crossed his arms, "Yes. You were dragged."

Dean laughed once more, "Good to know."

Castiel's smile remained on his face as he watched Dean begin to swim slowly through the water.

"Not much of a swimmer are ya, Cas?" he asked after making his way back to his friend.

He shook his head, "It's alright. I prefer dancing, as you probably know."

He nodded, he did know.

"My family find it embarrassing, that their son likes dancing, that is."

Dean frowned, "Are you embarrassed by it?"

Cas shrugged, "Sometimes. I feel like I'd be better off playing a sport of some kind."

"Hey," he whispered, "You're great at dancing, you have nothing to be embarrassed of. Fuck your family. "

"Dean?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever done anything embarrassing?"

He snorted, "Of course, everyone has."

"What did you do?" he asked, eyes searching through Dean's.

He felt his face heat up, "Well, it's kind of a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

He sighed, "Okay, so in seventh grade there was this boy, Arron. We were playing spin the bottle, as you do, and when it was my turn the bottle landed on him."

Cas nodded, encouraging him to go on.

"He freaked the hell out. 'I can't kiss a boy!' the whole package."

"He sounds quite rude."

Dean chuckled, "Yeah, well, he was cute so I grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. At that point, I immediately jolted up and started full on sprinting out of the house. Let's just say, on the way out, I may or may not have knocked over a stupid expensive vase in my bisexual panic."

Cas laughed and it sounded like pure music to Dean's ears.

"Was that your first kiss?" he asked through fits of giggles.

"Nah, but it was when I realized I liked dudes."

"In 7th grade?"

"Yep, " Dean said popping the 'p' for effect.

"That was more or less the same time I figured out I like boys, too."

He choked on his own fucking spit, "You - you like guys, too?"

Cas blushed, "I thought it was obvious. Charlie told me she knew immediately."

Dean stammered, "Yeah well, she's Charlie! She has the best gay-dar I've ever seen."

"Trust me, I'm aware."

Dean didn't know why he thought this changed anything. So Cas liked guys. That didn't mean he liked Dean. Cas was way out of his league, anyway. He was lucky enough to be his friend, let alone someone the dude would want to date 

Still, this did give Dean hope. Hope that his crush wasn't as one sided as he thought.

He looked over at Cas and he was gazing at the sky, the stars reflected in his eyes. His hair wavy in the most splendid way. Water dripped down his cheeks and chest and arms. 

He looked perfect. He was perfect. Too perfect for Dean to even fantasize about.

God, how could you not care about Castiel Novak?


	9. Or When His Petals Would Wilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, y'all get to see some Gabriel in this chapter

The next few days at camp Dean seemed a bit off to Cas.

He began to act more shy towards him. He became more wary of how much space separated them.

He wondered if Dean had already grown tired of him.

He knew it was bound to happen, but considering what Dean told him about caring about him, he thought it'd be later.

Cas thought it'd be more gradual and less like he'd suddenly been dropped off the face of the Earth 

He knew if he lost Dean this soon, he was sure to lose Charlie along with him. He'd be left alone once more, Gabriel being his only friend.

He thought of how pathetic it was for his big  _brother_ to be his best friend.

Sure, he loved Gabriel. Of course he did. He was the only one who still saw him as Cas when he began "changing."

Pft. "Changing." 

When he ultimately rebelled against them, it was no surprise they blamed it on his undeniable  _queerness._

Cas knew when parents told their young children they wanted them to just be happy no matter what, most times, they were lying.

They don't want you to be happy with the way you live. They want you to be happy with the way they've chosen for you to live.

If you don't meet those standards, it's somehow your fault for them being angry and upset with you.

* * *

On the bus ride back to school, Dean and Cas barley talked.

Instead, they shared glances and looks as if it was some code only they could understand.

They spoke not with words but with eyes and the slight tilt up in the corners of their mouth.

Every time Cas looked at Dean, he felt nostalgic.

Yes, he met Dean way back when they were in about third grade, but he didn't  _know_ him.

Yet, when they talk, eyes taking each other in, bodies pointed directly at one another, it seemed like they'd known each other for years.

 It was clear that Castiel loved the world around him. That he loved nature.

He loved sunset and sunrise. He loved flowers and rocks and animals and moutains and rivers. 

He loved to dance when the wind blew, because it made him feel like the trees were dancing with him. He mimicked the sway of their leaves with his arms.

He loved the clouds, weather they were full of rain just begging to be let out or they were plain white, water not filling them just yet. 

To say Cas loved the world was quite the understatement, to say the least.

 Dean reminded Castiel of the world.

He knew it was cheesy, but still.

His eyes were so green they looked like the leaves on trees during spring.

His freckles like constellations in the night sky.

His lips as pink as flowers.

It was remarkable, really.

And Cas knew it was stupid, to think this highly of a man who has shown him the slightest bit of attention, but maybe he just wanted to be stupid.

Just for once.

* * *

 

They arrived back to the school, Cas pretty much spent the whole ride back either writing or watching Dean sleep.

Dean, while asleep, seemed to be the only time he didn't have his guard up. Otherwise, he was very closed off.

He depended on very few people and felt guilty even relying on them.

In that way, Cas understood Dean. He'd spent most of his life letting people in, letting them use him, he liked attention, though you'd never be able to tell just by looking at him.

He just wanted a family to call his own, so he desperately searching for one, even if it was the wrong place.

He figured, we won't be around long enough to regret the people who've wronged us. To be fair, he also used that as an excuse to trust people immediately, look where that got him.

He just hoped Dean could trust him. 

He could tell by talking to Dean, he'd been scared. Scared of being hurt. Left. Taken advantage of. 

It was a reasonable fear, one Cas knew all to well. A boy who'd been beaten and neglected far too long, mistaking abuse for attention and attention for kindness.

Charlie and Dean really seemed to care for him, though. They both understood how it felt to be alone. To be nothing to anyone.

They were the nicest people he'd met in a very long time. Which only made him feel guilty for making them put up with him and his  _issues_.

Nevertheless, he was glad he was able to call them real friends. Even if it doesn't last, they're the closest thing he's had to family, other than Gabe, for quite some time.

When they arrived at the school, they still had a little waiting period before they were allowed to leave. 

They took this chance to hang out, to dick around a bit. Have some fun.

Not to say that camp wasn't fun, but still.

They mostly talked and ate snacks. Some kids called their parent to pick them up, though they'd only be home about 30 minutes earlier than usual.

Plus, Charlie had her own car. Dean had Baby. They could just drive themselvea home.

Speaking of which, Dean asked Cas if he wanted a ride.

"If you're offering, yes please."

They rode home as Castiel gave him directions to his and Gabriel's apartment complex.

Dean played music, clearly trying to refrain himself from bursting out into song.

Cas giggled, "You're allowed to sing, Dean. I honestly couldn't care less. That is, of course, if you're uncomfortable singing?"

He shook his head, "Nah, just not a big singer."

"I understand, I can find singing to be...quite tedious. Unfortunately, Gabriel seems to disagree and proceeds to sing crappy love songs all the time. You'd think everyday he's either in complete head over heels love, or he'd just gone through a messy breakup. That how often he sings cheesy romanic music."

Dean laughed, "Oh I'm sure you just  _love_ that."

Cas smiled, "He once set my alarm to blare I'm All Out of Love at 4 am."

"Hey! At least that's not a bad one!"

He shugged, "I thought so too, well, before I waa rudely awoken by it at 4 in the morning."

"Fair enough," he pulled into the parking lot of the apartments, "Here we are."

Cas unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of them car, "Thank you - for the ride."

He shot him a gentle grin, "Anytime. Bye now, Cas."

"Goodbye, Dean," he waved as he pulled out of the parking lot."

* * *

 

Sooooo," Gabe smirked, "Am I gonna get to know the name of your new boy toy?"

Cas rolled his eyes, "He's not my 'boy toy,' he's my  _friend."_

"Sure, Cassandra. You two are totally in love. You're going to get married and have kids, I'll be their cool uncle, of course."

"Please, shut up."

"If he hurts you, I'll kill him."

"Noted. Now, if you could kindly, be quiet and get me something to eat."

He pouted for dramatic effect, "So bossy, I thought you loved me, little bro."

Cas threw a pillow at him, "Out!"

"Right, right. I'm sorry, your highness.'

"Just go get me some food."


	10. Replant Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitch I been bUSY and I swEAR I HAD THIS CHAPTER WRITTEN UP LIKE,,2 WEEKS AGO BUT IT GOT DELETED AND I DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME TO RETYPE IT SO A G H whatever I know not that many people read it anyway,,,but for those who ARE reading here take an ✨update✨

Dean, even if he  _wanted_ to, couldn't tell you why in the hell Charlie thought it was a good idea to call him at 7am on the first day of  _winter break._

No matter how long he searched for a reason, the only one good enough was that she was dying Dean being her best friend, therefore being the easiest to reach, was the only person who could save her.

Other than that, there is was absolutely nothing he could muster.

He groaned as he picked up his ringing phone, "This better be a fucking code red, serious emergency for you to calling me at the asscrack of dawn, Charlie."

"Hello, Dean."

Charlie?

Nope.

Not Charlie.

_Cas._

"I..Cas?"

He cleared his throat, "That would be my name?"

"As nice as it is to hear from you, did you have to contact me at 7 in the morning from  _Charlie_ 's phone."

"Well, considering Charlie told me to, yes. Yes I did."

Dean could hear muffled speaking in the background.

"Oh,

"Apparently I wasn't supposed to say that. I...uh...Charlie isn't home right now. In fact, I'm not really sure I even know a Charlie. This has always been my number. Are you okay, Dean? You seem to have hallucinated the entire existent of another human being."

Dean rubbed his eyes and grunted in annoyance, "Just, please put her on the phone, buddy."

He heard the faint sounds of them whispering and the phone finally being passed over.

"Heeeeyyyyyy! Dean! My best friend! My good chum! My wonderful amazing place who I'd gladly trade my life for in an instant! How is you break going?"

"Charlie why the  _fuck_ did you find it necessary to phone me this goddamn early? This better be good, too, or else I will make you regret ever speaking to me."

She gave a defiant laugh, "Who says I haven't already, even before this fiasco?"

The eyeroll Dean performed might have been so intense that Charlie could feel it through the phone, "Ha, ha, very funny. So what are you up to, you scheming, evil witch?"

"Hey,  _woah_ , I'd watch my mouth if I were you. Wouldn't want my evil witchy friends to put a curse on you for talking shit."

"Cut the crap, Charlie. You clearly want something from me. What is it?"

She sighed and give in, "Perhaps bit could be better stated if Cas said it. I feel like that would take some pressure off of little, innocent ol' me."

Innocent? Innocent Dean's  _ass_.

"Greetings once more, Dean. Charlie wants to know if you'd like to have a movie night sleep over sort of deal. Oh, she also requested that I plant the idea into your head because you, and I quote, 'Have a great weakness for my irresistible deep man voice.' Her words. Not mine."

Dean damn near squeaked, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, did you not hear me? I said-"

He immediately cut him off, "No! Sorry," he cleared his throat, "I heard you. Loud and clear, man."

 "Oh! Well, will you? Come over, that is."

He thought about it for a second.

Ugh. He really did have a stupid big weakness for Cas, didn't he?

"Sure, Cas. I'll come over.  _Only_ because Charlie always has the best snacks, and I don't feel like making breakfast."

"Wonderful! I'll notify, Charlie! Ah, nevermind, she heard you through the phone, my mistake."

Was he...was he somehow cuter through the phone?

"Alrighty, Cas. Tell Charlie I'll be over in a little while. Still gotta wake up and shit, y'know."

"Right, okay. Goodbye, for now, Dean."

He smiled a goofy little grin just because he knew Cas wouldn't be able to see it, "Bye, Cas."

* * *

 

Don't get Dean wrong, he loved Baby. Of course he did. Why wouldn't he?

She had just not been runnin' to great recently, so he had to walk to Charlie's place.

Good thing was that her apartment wasn't too far from Dean's house, maybe a block or two away.

Now, saying that, it felt more like 4 miles away due to the freezing weather. 

Jesus, Dean couldn't even feel his ears, and he was sure his nose was so red that Rudolph would be jealous.

Walking into Charlie's apartment was the absolute best thing that ever happened to him. It was warm and cozy.

There was blankets on her couch and floor (Cas almost never sat on couches, he said he had more room to spread out on floors).

Dean took off his mittens and rubbed his hands together, hoping to get some warmth the out of the friction.

Charlie was is the kitchen taking two mugs out of the microwave.

"I got hot chocolate!~~~" She mused in a singsong like tone.

"Oh thank god, my hands are freezing!"

He grabbed one of the mugs from her, relishing in the heat they gave off, "Hey, Charlie."

"Sup Dean. You know, I can think of one other way to warm up your hands, " she nodded towards a messy haired Cas wrapped up in a blanket on the floor.

Dean reddened, but this time, it wasn't because of the cold, "Shut up."

She smirked, "Oh, but why should I? Something tells me you aren't 100% against the ideas that my teasing implies."

He looked over at Cas, a fond look taking over his face as he repositioned himself on the ground.

Yeah. She was right.

He  _really_ was not against it.

Charlie giggled, wide eyes indicating some kind of shock, "Oh. My.  _God."_

Jesus, snap out of it, Dean.

"What," he spat half trying to sound intimidating, other half coming out a high pitched squeal.

"You," she pointed and an accusatory finger, "Are whipped for this guy!"

He swatted at her, "No I'm not!" 

He tried to defend himself, but let's face it, he really was whipped.

"You totally are!"

"Am not-"

Cas walked into the kitchen, blanket hanging off his shoulders, "You've been in here a while, Charlie. I came to see if you needed any hel-

"Oh! Hello, Dean. I didn't notice you were here."

 "Yeah, well, you seem kind of mesmerized by the TV, didn't wanna bother you." 

He smiled and took the hot chocolate Charlie had offered him, "It would have been no problem, Dean. I don't think you really have the capability to bother me."

And with that, he shrugged and left the kitchen.

Oh fuck, oh  _fuck_.

That one got to him.

That one got him in the worst way possible.

That one gave him butterflies.

That one made his palms sweat and a smile spread on his lips.

_"I don't think you really have the capability to bother me."_

Good to know, Cas. Good to know.

Charlie nudged him enthusiastically and whispered in a suggestive voice, "Progress!~~"

He shoved her away lightly, "Progress? Now, Charlie, I have absolutely no idea what you mean by that. I was just having a friendly interaction with my friendly friend Castiel."

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, "Sure, Dean. Keep telling yourself that's all it is."

He decided it would just be best to exit the kitchen at this point, "That  _is_ all it is!"

"Uh huh."

He flipped her off and made his way to the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

He looked down at a snuggly Cas. Yeah, he was cute, but it'd never work out.

Castiel was too good for this place, he'd probably go to some fancy college for super smart nerds just like Charlie. Maybe they'd even go to the same one. Be super dorks together and forget all about Dean.

Hell, it would probably benefit them more than anything.

Even Dean wanted to forget Dean.

Before he could continue on in his personal little pity party, he was met with a pillow to his face.

"What the hell, Charlie?!"

"You weren't listening to me! You were totally spaced out, man!"

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Fine, I'm all ears."

"Good," she muttered, "Anyway, I gotta go pick up, Dorth. She's stranded out in the middle of nowhere at this rando gas station, and her phone's 'bout to die."

Dean sat up, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, apparently the guy at the cashier is really cool and said he'd make sure she's safe till someone gets her."

He slapped her in the arm, "Well then! Go get her, you knight in shining armor."

She smiled and tilted her head towards Cas once more, "Something tells me I won't we the only one getting a sweet babe tonight."

"Screw you, just go! Dorth needs ya!"

"Alright, alright I'm going! You to have a good time. A really,  _really_ good time."

Before Dean could say anything, she was out of the door in the blink of an eye.

Now it was just him and Cas.

Oh boy.

It was gonna be a long night.

 

* * *

 

 

"Dean?"

"Yup?"

"What did Charlie mean by she wasn't the only one getting a sweet babe?"

He stumbled over his words, "Ahh, it's really nothing. I wouldn't worry about it, bud."

He relaxed, "If you say so."

"Say Cas...why are you watching The Nightmare Before Christmas? Ain't it more of a Halloween movie than a Christmas one?"

"Hey! I think it's fair to say it doubles as both a Halloween and Christmas film."

He shrugged, "Sure, but still."

"We could get into the logistics of this, but I can assure you I would win."

"Oh yeah? It's.  _On._ "

It's safe to say they argued for way longer than they initially expected.

At one point Cas got up and read other people's opinion on the matter to back up his own.

At one point Dean threw some gummy worms at Cas to get him to shut up.

Yeah, that upset him.

A  _lot._

In fact, Dean was pretty sure Cas was 2 seconds away from wringing his neck.

Instead, he settled on throwing a plethora of pillows at him.

Perhaps he thought that'd be better than having Dean's blood on his hands.

Perhaps it just brought him more joy to see Dean try, key word  _try_ , to dodge his throws and fail miserably.

In his defense, it was kind of hard to stay focused with Cas giggling like a freakin' child right in front of him.

Hell, if you were to ask the simplest questions about Dean  _himself_ , if Cas was remotely near him laughing like that, he'd probably still get them wrong.

The movie had long since been over and Cas asked Dean if he had anything he wanted to watch in particular.

_Yeah, your laugh._

Luckily, he didn't say that aloud.

Cas might have been dense and completely oblivious, but even that was a bit too much.

"Uhhh, no I don't think I do," he said against what his initial reaction was to the question.

"So, you don't mind if I put Shamless on then? I've been meaning to rewatch it."

He smiled trying to play off any awkwardness that may have been traced back to him, "Go for it. Gotta say, thought, really didn't take you for a Shameless kind of guy."

He nodded, "I didn't either, believe me. Well, I didn't think so until I came out to Gabe. He'd been watching it for some time, and he thought it was a good idea to show me all the scenes between Mickey and Ian. Apparently, that was the only interaction he had with anything LGBT related."

"So that's what sold you on the show?"

"Of course! I had been so in the closet I was petrified just to  _look_ at another man. If I knew I could watch shows with queer people in it sooner, I would have jumped on that bandwagon in an instant!"

Dean laughed, "Well, it seems Gabriel had a better reaction than my family did."

 "Did they? Oh, do tell, I'd love to hear your embarrassing coming out story."

Dean rolled his eyes but a grin had still somehow made it's way onto his face, "Well, you know how I told you about that spin the bottle game with that kid Aaron?"

"Of course, you knocked over a very expensive family vase."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I ended up coming home really freaked. I mean, I just kissed a dude for the first time in my young stud life."

Cas shook his head in a disappointing manner, " _Right._ "

"Anyway, Sam was in the living room watching...some cartoon? I don't really remember specifics.

"I do, however, remember blurting out all of my feelings and shit to my very small, very young kid brother. Long story short, he ended up saying something along the lines of 'That's great, Dean, but I'm trying to watch something.' So you know, that was an experience."

Cas threw his head back in laughter, "Oh my god! That's great! When can I meet Sam and thank him for this wonderful story?"

"Shut up, it wasn't as funny to young Dean Winchester."

Case flopped on to his stomach, resting his chin on a pillow, "Oh, I'm sure, but how does present time Dean Winchester feel about it. You know, now that you're so mature that you throw gummy worms in your friends' faces to win an argument."

"You still mad about that? Jeez, who knew you could hold a grudge?"

"You haven't seen the  _half_ of it. You should be so lucky you got the least intense grudge holder in the Novak family."

Yeah, he really was lucky.

"Dean?"

He cleared his throat, "Yeah, sorry?"

"Are you okay? You seem to be spacing out and unusual amount today, even for you."

_Don't worry about it, Cas. Everything's great! It's just I've never felt this way about someone ever, and I'm never going to get to act on these feelings, because you're too good for me. But no, everything's just peachy, man._

"Dean!"

"Jeez, yeah?"

"I will never understand you, you know that?"

"What's that supposed to mean."

"It means...I can spend time with you for hours on end, and still, you remain a mystery to me."

He gulped, "That supposed to be a compliment?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. All I know is that you, Dean Winchester, are one of the most interesting people I've ever met. The face that you somehow want to be friends with  _me_ is, and most likely always will be, the most mysterious thing about you."

"I-"

He interrupted him, "I wasn't finished. I know sometimes you doubt yourself. Don't try to fight me on this, I can see it in your eyes. Trust me, if I know anything about you, anything at  _all,_ it's that you are worth so much more than you think."

"Cas-"

"You're smart and caring. You are so, so important. You're strong but gentle at the same time. And,  _jesus,_ you are so goddamn funny it hurts. You're amazing, okay? You make the people around you immensely happy. Dean, you literally  _shine._ "

Okay.

Well, he certainly was not expecting that.

"Cas?"

"Dean."

_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I really, really fucking love you, Castiel Novak._

"Thank you."

He smiled, "Of course."

_I love you._

 


	11. And Start All Over

So. Dean loved Cas.

At least, he thought he did.

He'd taken those crappy "Is is a crush or love?" tests. Like, a butt-load of them. He took that as a yes.

 _Hey_ , he thought, _If you gotta ask, it's probably a yes._

He loved Cas.

Cool.

Nice.

Cool.

Jesus, he was having a breakdown. He had pretty intense crushes before, but they were just that, crushes.

It was different. With his other crushes, he was anxious. He felt like he had to impress them. Something. He felt like he had to be something.

With Cas, he already felt like something.

He made him feel special. Dean didn't feel the need to impress him. He could just be himself, just plain old him, and everything would be okay.

The world wouldn't stop turning. No one would laugh at him.

He was never anxious around Cas, really. He was home.

And that was something that made him beyond anxious.

That was something that scared him to his _core._

* * *

 

He and Cas had still been at Charlie's. She'd been gone for a while.

Dean was beginning to worry. Oh god, what if something happened to her?It was pretty icy out ther-

"Dean, she's fine."

Did he always know what he was thinking?

Shit, he hoped not.

"How do you know."

He shrugged, "I guess I'm just psychic like that. I see all. I know all. You can't get anything past me, for I can read minds. I see the future. I'm an unstoppable force."

Dean rolled his eyes, "You texted her?"

He smiled, "I texted her."

"Thought so."

"She said she's staying with Dorothy tonight. Then she typed ''Make sure to tell that idiot to carpe diem.' So, uh, carpe diem, I suppose?"

Dean pressed his hand against his face in annoyance, "Really can't catch a break with that one, can I?"

"I don't quite understand what she meant by that, but I do know Charlie. So yes, you will absolutely never catch a single break. Ever."

"Duh. You two combined? Jeez, you're the worst."

Cas threw a pillow at Dean's face, "Shut up. I know you just _adore_ me."

He tried his best to stay cool, "Of course I do. Who could resist your bad boy charm."

He snorted, "Idiot."

God, he was going to be the death of him.

To be fair, it wouldn't be the worst way to go out.

"Wait," Dean started, "If Charlie's staying with Dorth, do we just head home?"

Don't get him wrong, Dean really did  _not_ want to leave.

However, he didn't know if he'd be able to survive the night without making a complete lovestruck fool out of himself.

He shrugged, "She said she was fine with us staying. Plus, it's getting a bit dark out. It was cold enough earlier. It would be a bad idea to go out now."

He grunted in agreement, "Fair enough."

Hours passed as the two just hung out together on the living room floor.

They joked around, ate snacks, and exchanged stories.

It was weird.

It was something so...meaningless and casual, yet Dean felt like he could spend the rest of his life like this.

He had no need to go out and search for thrills. He had a TV, a blanket, copious amounts of junk food, and his favorite person.

What else could he ever need?

He let his eyes glance over to Cas.

He was drifting asleep.

He felt a pang in his chest.

Oh yeah,

 _that's_ so much more than he could need.

Being with Cas. Romantically.

Holding his hand, taking him on dates, making sure he knows how spet he truly is. 

All of the lovey-dovey crap he doesn't even believe in.

That's exactly what he needs right now.

And exactly what he will never allow himself to have.

* * *

 

"Hey, Dean?" Cas whispered so softly Dean thought he might have just imagined it all together.

"Do you believe in soulmates."

"Agh, not really? I guess you just fall in love and that's that. It doesn't always have to have a deeper meaning."

He chuckled, "What a Dean thing to say."

He smiled, "Oh, is it?"

He nodded and tucked himself in to Dean's side, "Absolutely."

That slight change in how they we're sitting sent shivers down Dean's spine, "Well, what about you, huh? You believe in soulmates, Cas?"

He shrugged, "Maybe? I think the world is complex. I think people are complex. I think  _love_ is complex. Maybe some people are just truly 100% meant to meet and be together. Maybe not. I think emotions are the one thing humans have no real definition for. For example, say you're angry, what does that even mean? It doesn't really matter, because you can say you're angry and people will immediately understand. If you apply that same logic to love, you have just another feeling that makes no sense. Maybe people just want a reason for loving someone to make sense. They want something more than just saying they're in love. The thing with that is, love doesn't  _have_ to make sense. Nothing really makes sense in the first place. Love can just be. So perhaps for some people, soulmates are a true and wonderful thing. There's just as much chance as that not being true for another group of people. Love and soulmates are too broad to stick with the same sort of confined definition forever. That's exactly why love is such a beautiful thing. It comes in all shapes and forms. It can heal and it can break. It can mend and wound. At the end of the day, if you just allow yourself to be open and love all the things that you do freely, isn't that all that matters?"

Dean stared at Cas.

His eyes were closed, but be remained awake, "I'm sorry, I'm really bad with rambling and making sens-"

"No, I get it."

Get opened his eyes and looked up at him, "You..do?"

He nodded, "Well, yeah? Like you said, love is too complex to give a single definition. Everyone experiences love in a different way. Love is kind of weird, y'know? I mean, what  _is_ love? Like, one day you just wake up and you're in love? It's unpredictable. People want to believe in something that can give a definition to love. If everyone was meant to have a soulmate, wouldn't we have something solid enough to describe love from the same perspective?"

Cas smiled and his eyes lit up, as he spoke he expressed himself with ha d motions and gestures, "Exactly! If everyone had soulmates there'd be a sound way to describe love. Still, thousands of people fall in love multiple times. Some people don't even feel romantic love, so would that mean soulmates can cross the barrier into friendships, too? Are some people meant to love each other but as  _friends_?"

Then, Cas giggled, "Do you think bees have little bee soulmates?"

Dean couldn't stop himself from beaming, "Maybe."

He gasped and hit Dean on the chest, "What if we're meant to have a specific pet? Like, if you and a special puppy were made for each other! That'd be so cool!"

 Dean groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"What's wrong, Dean?"

He shook his head, "How can you change personality modes so damn quick?"

"I'm sorry?"

"One second you're Mister Philosophical and the next, you're the cutest goddamn person  _alive,_ Cas. You're drivin' me nuts."

"Dean what are you talking about?"

"Jesus, it's like you do it on purpose."

"Do what?"

"Make people who'll never be good enough for you absolutely crazy about you."

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh  _fuck!_

What. Is. He. Doing?

 "Not good enough? Dean, do you know what you're saying?"

"Of course I'm not good enough! You're Castiel Novak, future big nerd badass. I'm just Dean Winchester, future highschool dropout."

"How...can you say that? Do you know how important you are?"

"Not very."

Cas looked genuinely hurt, and Dean had no idea what to do with that.

He didn't really know what he was expecting, but when Cas hugged him he was a caught a little off guard.

* * *

 

"I thought we talked about this, Dean, earlier today. You have always been enough.  _More_ , even. Please, don't ever say you aren't important, because you mean so much to so many people. To  _me._ "

 Dean rested his chin on Cas' shoulder as they sit there in darkness.

At some point, Cas started tracing circles on to Dean's back. Something about it reminded him of his mother.

He used to have these nightmares about his father, they still come back on the occasion.

Mary would lay with his and tell him everything was alright. She said that angels were watching over him and also traced circles on his back.

 He sighed and melted into Castiel. He felt every rise and fall of his body.

He heard every inhale and exhale.

"Is..is this okay?"

"Is what okay, Dean?"

"This. Whatever it is that's going on here, is that okay with you? You know I don't need your pitty, Cas-"

"It's not pitty. I'm doing this, because I seem to care about you more than you do."

"Yeah, yeah. You've made that very apparent."

He huffed, "Oh, I'm  _sorry_ do I hear complaining? Are you saying you  _don't_ want to be in the warm embrace of the 'goddamn cutest person  _alive_ ,' because you're body language says otherwise."

He threw his head back and laughed a hearty laugh, "You are the absolute  _worst."_

He smiled against Dean's hair, "Perhaps I am, but I've heard from excellent sources that I also happen to be the  _cutest."_

 _"_ While you are annoying, I can at least say your sources seem to be very credible and accurate."

He hummed happily, "Good to know."

"I'm sure it is."

 


	12. Things May Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just,,,puRE fluff honestly

The rest of the night felt like a dream.

Was that a bit cliche? Probably. Did Dean care?

Nope. Not a single bit.

He didn't know what was happening, but he didn't dare ask just in case he'll wake up to find that it really  _was_ a dream.

After their shared deep and meaningful existential crises, Dean and Cas we're just laying there. Together.

The TV was on in the background playing god knows what. It wasn't like either of them were paying attention to it.

They were so close that Dean could feel Cas' body heat emitting from under the blanket.

Dean's head rested against Castiel's chest.

He wasn't usually a cuddler. He really wasn't. But sometimes he deserved a little affection. Sometimes he  _craved_ it.

Suddenly, Cas' chest was shaking and he could hear him stifling a laugh.

He flicked his chin, "You laughin' at me."

He smiled down at him, "I guess you could say that, yes. But I'm more so laughing at myself."

Dean rolled over so that he could really face Castiel, "Oh yeah? And why's that?"

He played with Dean's hair, "If you must know, I just find it a bit funny that I somehow ended up cuddling Dean Winchester."

"Sorry, I don't get it."

"Do you really not get it, or do you just want to hear me talk about cuddling with you?"

He shrugged, "Who's to say?" He joked, "Why don't you tell me anyway?"

Cas rolled his eyes, "Well, when I first got to know you. And I mean in highschool, not when we were kids. When I started to really know  _you._ You seemed a little...reserved."

"I'm not that reserved."

"The only people you talk to are your mother, little brother, a lesbian, and a bee loving spontaneous dancer."

He grinned, "I dunno man, that sounds like a pretty cool group of people. That been loving spontaneous dancer seems pretty awesome. "

"Oh I assure you, he  _is._ "

Dean snorted, "Yeah, you'd know, wouldn't you?"

He nodded, "Speaking of spontaneous dancing, would you like to dance with me?"

He's danced with Cas before. He has. It shouldn't be weird now that they're flirting, right?

Oh, but what if he made a fool of himself. What if he somehow embarrassed himself so badly that Cas laughs at him.

"You're over thinking, " he said standing up and stretching. 

His hip bones peeked out from under his shirt, and suddenly Dean could no longer function at full capacity.

"It's a yes or no question," he held out his hand, "Dance with me?"

 _Fuck it,_ he thought, taking Cas' hand into his own.

"Let's do this."

Cas lifted Dean up from the floor and put on some music.

It was a song he'd never heard before, but it wasn't bad. 

Plus, Cas seemed to know it, and his humming along was enough to make Dean listen to just about anything.

 It was a slow paced song.

Cas moved in a way that Dean didn't know a guy could move. 

He swayed his hips to the beat of the song, and his arms cut through the air beautifully.

Once be saw Dean staring at him, he smiled and pulled him in.

He guided Dean through the movements, and they were surprisingly easy.

Cas spun Dean and locked their hands together.

Because their fingers were intertwined, they stuck to just dancing with the rest of their bodies.

It was almost like a slow dance.

As if things couldn't get even better, Cas started singing along to the song.

His voice was deep and smooth. 

It sounded way better than Dean expected.

" _Is that cool with you, that I wanna call your name?"_

_"Is that cool with you, that I wanna call your name?"_

_"Is that news to you, that I wanna call your name?"_

_"Is that cool with you, that I wanna call?"_

At that point, Dean had practically short-circuited.

* * *

 

He didn't know if he'd stopped dancing or not. He assumed he didn't though, considering it seemed Cas was still moving with him.

He couldn't focus on anything.

Well, anything other than  _Cas._

All of his thoughts consisted of one thing. 

One person.

And he was sure it would stay that way for a while.

After the song ended, Cas was laughing once more, "You okay?"

He cleared his throat, "Peachy."

He pinched Dean's cheeks that had been warm from blushing so hard, "Lie to me all you want. I can see right through you, Winchester."

Dean grabbed his wrist but showed no interest in removing Cas' hand from his face, "Like what you see?"

Eventually he pulled away from Dean, "See, that depends. Are you going to break my heart if I do?"

Dean shrugged, "The night's still young. Who knows what I might or might not do."

Cas shoved Dean back, giggling, "I bet you've said that one before."

"Actually, I haven't."

He crossed his arms, "I don't believe that."

"Come on, Cas. I know I'm an irresistible flirt and all, but I'm not that kind of girl."

"Huh. My research seems to prove otherwise."

"And just what is your research saying?"

He smirked, "That you're a hopeless romantic."

Dean rolled his eyes, "Oh, you wish."

He sat down, "Maybe just a little."

He sat right beside him, " _Now_ who's the flirt?"

"Still you."

"You know, you're probably not wrong."

Cas laughed.

He could probably listen to his laugh all day.

All year.

All his  _life._

The more and more Dean spent time with Cas, the more beautiful he became.

Everything about him just screamed gorgeous. It was honestly a bit intimidating.

Well, it would be if Cas weren't also such a sweet, caring asshole.

He really was ruining Dean.

"You keep staring."

He smiled and scooted closer to him, "Yeah Cas, people tend to do that when someone annoys the holy hell out of them."

He scrunched up his nose, "Ah, that explains it."

"Duh."

"Are you sure people don't actually do that when, oh I don't know, they're attracted to a person."

He shook his head, "Absolutely not. That would imply that I'm attracted to you."

He giggled, "And that, of course, would be incorrect."

"Yep. I actually happen to find you repulsive."

"Oh, I don't doubt it."

 "Good."

"Well, I hope you know I find you equally as unattractive. More so, in fact."

Dean raked his hands through Cas' hair, "That so?"

He hummed in affirmation, "I think you are quite possibly the ugliest person I've ever seen."

* * *

 

He didn't know what to say.

"Thanks," he finally managed to squeak, it coming out in a whisper.

Cas pressed his forehead against Dean's, causing him to take his hand out of his hair.

"You're...thanking me for calling you ugly?"

He nudged Cas' nose with his own, "You suck."

"Do I, really?"

"Completely."

Something important to note was that Dean had climbed into Cas' lap at some point in  _whatever_ this was.

Yeah.

That was super important.

And it was causing Dean to go nuts.

 They seemed to have decided that it was a good idea just to stare at each other for what felt like an eternity.

Cas finally decided to break very intense apparent staring contest.

He blushed and rested his head on Dean's shoulder, and he swore it was the most adorable thing anyone could ever experience.

He was so glad he was the one who was able to make Cas like this.

Castiel, someone who always seemed to stoic and serious, a bashfully shy flirt.

All because of  _Dean._

He could just spontaneously combust.

If Cas kept acting the way he was, he just might.

 "You're going to  _kill_ me."

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. You're going to kill me."

"You're dramatic."

"And you're a future murderer, how's that feel?"

He smiled and leaned back into the couch, "Considering I'd have gotten rid of a giant pain in my neck, pretty good. Thanks for asking."

"Oh, fuck you."

"Yeah, I bet you'd enjoy that, wouldn't you?"

He reddened.

"Joking, Dean."

He swatted at him, "Yeah, I got it."

Cas yawned, "I don't think I've ever been this tired."

 _I don't think I've ever been this happy,_ Dean thought.

And it was the grossest, most romantic thing he's ever thought.

But he couldn't bring himself to hate himself for it.

Not this time.

"It's pretty damn late."

"Yeah," Cas said barely above a whisper as he placed his head on Dean's shoulder once again.

"Hey! If you're fallin' asleep, take it somewhere else."

"Says the guy literally in my  _lap._ "

"It's a nice lap."

"I'm sure it is, Dean."

He lifted Cas' head off of him and squished his cheeks together between his hands, "Hi."

Cas smiled, "Hi."

"You seem like it's passed your bedtime."

"I don't have a bedtime, " he pouted.

"'Course not."

As Cas fell asleep, Dean finay hopped off his lap.

There was a certain emptiness that he felt form in the bottom of his stomach.

Looking over at Cas still propped up against the couch, mouth hanging open, that pit completely dissolved.

He couldn't help but chuckle as he lifted him on to to couch, seeing as Cas kept letting out little snores here and there.

Dean somehow managed to squeeze himself on the couch next to him.

It wasn't the most comfortable position in the world, but he eventually settled in pretty well.

His head lay just under Cas' chin, his left leg completely overlapped with his right.

As he pulled the blanket over the two, he turned to the sleeping boy next to him.

He swiftly gave him a quick peck on the forehead and went back to laying the way he had been previously.

"G'night, Cas."

And thus proceeded the best night's rest Dean had ever gotten.


	13. And Even If They'll Never Be The Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all ready for some fuckin uhhhhhhh very minor angst that definitely will NOT be the worst to come ?

When Dean woke up, he and Cas were still squished together on Charlie's couch.

No matter how awake he was, he couldn't force himself up.

Cas' arm was wrapped around his waist. It felt like that part of him was on complete fire.

Regardless, he wouldn't trade this for the world.

Then, his phone rang.

Jesus, what now?

Reluctantly he reached for his phone which had been sitting on the coffee table.

It was Bobby.

"Bobby! Hey, how's it hanging," he tried his best no to wake Cas next to him.

That proved to be failing, the boy had already begun stirring himself into consciousness.

"Where  _are_ you? I've been trying to reach you just about all morning, boy!" He sounded...distressed?

That wasn't exactly reassuring.

"Cool it, Bobby. What's wrong?"

At that point, Cas was sat completely upright, rubbing his eyes in order to adjust to the light.

"Your mom and Sam, they - they were in an accident."

"What?" Dean pushed himself off the couch frantically.

"Last night, they went to go get some food. The roads were pretty damn icy. Icy enough for a drunk driver to knock into them without even tryin'."

"Are - are they okay?" He asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Yeah, they're in the hospital, but they're  _alive."_

 _"_ Where are you guys? I'm on my way."

After getting the name of the hospital, Dean began gathering his things, "Shit shit shit shit shit  _shit._ "

"Dean, is everything okay?"

He looked over at Cas, tears stinging the corners of his eyes, "I - my mom and Sammy..they were in a car crash. Icy roads and drunk drivers don't mix too well."

Now it was Cas' turn to spring up, "Are they -?"

"They're alive, yes."

He nodded firmly, "You don't have a ride, right? Let me drive you?"

He didn't say anything, but grunted in response.

That was all Cas needed to start picking up his own things.

* * *

 

After a little while, they had all of their stuff and promptly drove off in Cas' car.

Dean sat there, forehead pressed against the window.

He could feel that, whenever he had the chance, Castiel had glanced over at him to see if he was okay.

Maybe if he weren't in such a shit situations, this action would have lit him on fire.

Unfortunately, what was happening had been real.

"I'm  _fine,_ Cas."

He could see him shift awkwardly in the driver's seat, "You aren't. It's okay, Dean. I - I mean I think it's rational to not be okay when something like this happens."

"I don't give a rat's ass about what's rational."

Dean could practically feel Cas retreat back into himself.

"Right, my apologies."

"Jeez - Cas, m'sorry. It's just, this whole situation brings back old memories. Bad ones."

"I see."

"I'd rather not relive it, is all."

He only nodded, sensing that Dean wouldn't appreciate him further pushing the topic.

"Hey, Cas?"

"Mhm?"

"Could you turn on the radio? I don't really care what's on, just wanna hear something - anything."

He switched it on and apparently it had been automatically connected to his phone, because a Spotify playlist came on.

Another song, much like the one they'd danced to, was playing.

A soft, mellow song that made Dean calm down the smallest bit.

It wasn't until he heard Cas join in, that he really settled.

In fact, he was so peaceful he'd actually fallen asleep.

He woke up at a convenience store, Cas' trenchcoat thrown over him as some sort of blanket.

When he got back in the car, Cas handed Dean a little pie, "Charlie told me you liked pie."

For the first time that day, Dean actually smiled.

"Thanks, Cas."

* * *

 

When they finally got to the hospital, Dean rushed to the rooms they were staying in.

He first went to see his mom, she had been in better condition than Sam from what he heard.

When he walked in, he immediately hugged her.

"Hey, Dean," she smiled though she was in pain.

"You doin' okay?"

"As okay as I can be. Nothing's broken, the guy didn't hit us hard enough for any serious damage."

"Except to the car, right?" He attempted to joke.

He didn't know how else to react to this. To seeing his mom beat up in a hospital bed, his brother likely in an even worse state.

Cas shuffled in the room rather awkwardly, "Hey Dean, uh, I just wanted to tell you I notified Charlie about what happened."

"Thanks, buddy."

Mary smiled, "Who's your friend?"

He cleared his throat, "Mom meet Castiel. Cas - Mom."

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Winchester."

She giggled, "No one's ever called me  _that._ I like this kid. Wait, Castiel? Why does that sound familiar?"

"I don't-"

"Oh! That's right, I remember Dean telling me about this boy he met at the park. Pretty eyes, he said."

Cas blushed and looked over at Dean who was trying not to piss his pants.

She playfully hit his arm, "Would you look at that! They really are pretty."

"Thank...you?" Cas squeaked.

"Anyway, Dean, you should go see Sam now. He's been asking for you since he woke up."

He nodded and hugged his mom once more before he left the room, Cas trailing behind him.

Dean knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

When he opened it, he thought Sam might actually jump out of bed due to pure excitement, "Dean!"

He pulled his brother into his arms, "Heya, Sammy. How're you holdin' up?"

He shrugged, "Fine. Doctor's say I broke my arm, though."

Dean gave him a sad smile before a condescending smirk took it' place, "Maybe that girl Eileen'll sign your cast. Wouldn't that be exciting?"

"Shut up. Hey, who's that?" He asked gesturing towards Cas.

Dean grinned and put his arm around Cas, "This, Sam, is my friend Castiel. I know you don't have too many friends, so I thought I'd bring one of mine for you to have some sort of experience with another person."

"Dean, you have  _two_ friends.  _Two._ Don't go talkin' yourself up."

"That's two more than you."

"You wish," he turned his attention to Cas, "I'm so sorry he roped you in with him."

Cas laughed, "Yes, it truly has been a harrowing experience."

"Try living with him."

Despite the fact that one of Dean's best friends and his little brother were dragging him practically to hell, he still couldn't feel mad.

Needless to say, Sam and Cas got along like nobody's business.

They talked together about their nerdy crap, and Dean just sat there grinning, not even trying to pretend like he understood them.

Sam caught him making googly eyes at Cas and tormented him silently.

"Oh, sorry for interrupting out little chat, but Charlie's lost. I have to give her some directions." 

He stepped outside the door and Sam almost instantly smirked at Dean.

"Oh what?"

"Castiel is... _nice._ "

He knew where this was going, "You could say that, yeah."

"Funny, smart,  _attractive._ "

"Sam-"

He shrugged smugly, "I'm just saying, you were looking at the guy like he hung the moon, Dean."

He would have further protested, had he possessed a proper arrangement.

"That kind of thing happens when you're in love, y'know."

He rolled his eyes, "Because a twelve year old would be so experienced in that department."

"You just know these things, regardless of age."

"Just say you like chick-flicks and move on, Samantha."

"You suck."

"You love me."

" _You_ love  _Cas._ "

Maybe just a little.

The door creaked open, "I hope I'm not intruding on any brotherly bonding!"

It was Charlie.

"You're all good!"

"Sweet," she stepped in, "Sup bitches."

Sam waves from the bed, "Hey Charlie."

"Heyo, today's your lucky day kid, I snuck in some snacks," she grinned, throwing him a bag of gummy worms.

While Sam worked on opening the bag, Dean turned to Charlie, "Where's Cas?"

She flipped down into one of the chairs rather dramatically, "Bathroom, why?"

"Just wondering."

"Yeah," Sam started, "I guess that sort of thing is normal for these two- not being able to go 5 seconds without each other, that is."

Charlie sighed, "Ain't that the truth!"

"I hope you both stub your toes."

"Cute," she said.

"Funny," Sam echoed.

Dean pushed him out of his chair, "Screw you guys, I'm gonna-"

"Go look for your boyfriend?" Charlie finished.

"I was gonna say go get something from the vending machine, dickhead."

She nodded, "Mmhmm. You do that."

He flipped her off, and she gave a devilish smile as she did the same.

* * *

 

 After debating for a bit, Dean decided to get a chocolate bar from the vending machine.

"Dean?"

"Oh, hey Cas, how long have you been standing there, bud?"

He shrugged, "Long enough to see your very intense staring contest with the machine."

"I take this stuff seriously. Choosing your snack is both a sport and an art."

"So you would make it seem."

He smiled, "You want a piece?" 

He held the bar out to him, and Cas quirked and eyebrow.

"What's that look for?"

"You never share food...ever."

"You complaining?"

He quickly shook his head and broke a bit off of the candy for himself, "Thank you."

Dean nodded, "No problem."

They headed back upstairs to find Sam and Charlie talking about some videogame or something along those lines.

For the next few hours the four sat in that very same room just chatting.

Even though Sam had probably been in quite a bit of pain, Dean felt like this might have been the happiest he'd ever seen his little brother.

Then, a knock at the door came, "Visiting hours are over."

Charlie, Cas, and Dean all stood up.

Charlie grabbed her things while Dean went over to ruffle Sam's hair, "See you later, Sammy."

"Bye Dean- Charlie."

She did her signature peace sign, "Adios, Kid."

He then looked at Cas, "It was really nice meeting you, Castiel."

He smiled, "You too."

They left the hospital room and checked out.

Charlie went to her car as the boys went to Cas'.

Dean bumped his shoulder, "Sammy seems to like you. Mom, too."

"That's a relief."

"What, you didn't seriously think they'd hate you or something?"

He looked down, "I don't know, I guess I didn't want to make a bad first impression. You really love them."

Dean grinned fondly, "They're my family."

Cas hummed in agreement.

"You're family too."

"I am?"

"Yep."

He chuckled, "Delightful."

"You love us, we're an adorable bunch of people."

At that point Cas flat out laugh, "Well, I wouldn't call you ugly, per see."

"Adorable."

He sighed, "Okay, you're adorable."

"All I needed to hear."

 


	14. You'll Still Love Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kiddies, I hope y'all had a funky Christmas and Happy New Years !

Fortunately, Mary was able was able to heal and be well enough to get out of the hospital 2 days later. 

Unfortunately, Sam wasn't. He had to stay for at least another week while the nurses treated his wounds, making sure they didn't get infected.

Dean flopped down on the couch, "I could've totally taken care of him at home."

"I'm sure you could have, Dean," Mary said, not looking up from her book.

Winter break was nearly over and, Dean was bored out of his mind.

Charlie had been spending the week with Dorothy and her family for Christmas.

He hadn't seen Cas in days. Sure, they texted, but it wasn't the same as meeting face to face.

Mary finally sighed and set down her book, "Don't you have anything to do? You have friends why don't you go out?"

"It's freezing, that's why."

"Well, maybe you could do something inside," she suggested optimistically.

"I have a feeling you just want to get me out of the house."

She chuckled, "I spent the better part of my week in the hospital with a bunch of nurses glued to me. Can you really blame me?"

He shook his head, "Guess not."

"Exactly. Hey, why don't you call up that Castiel kid. You two seemed to get along."

That they did.

* * *

 

Dean told Castiel to meet him at the mall.

He did so, but not without questioning him, of course.

"I just don't understand what purpose we'd serve at a mall. Didn't Christmas already pass?"

"Just do it, Cas," he told him over the over as he wrapped his scarf around his neck.

When Dean got there, Cas bad been sat on a bench near the entrance. 

He still had his coat on.

When he finally caught sight of Dean, he quickly stood up, "Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas. How's it going buddy?" He asked, excitement in his voice.

"I'm fine, thank you. How's Mary? Sam?"

Dean shrugged, "Mom's at home. Sammy's still in the hospital, but they said he should be out soon."

Cas smiled, "Well that's good. Now, do you want to tell me why we're here?"

He smirked, "Follow me."

The two moved through crowds of people until they finally reached the rink.

The ice skating rink.

"You brought me here to...ice skate?

"Thought it could be fun."

"I've never been ice skating before," he said hesitantly.

"Never?"

Cas shook his head, "Never."

Dean rubbed his gloved hands maniacally, "Oh boy, you're in for a treat?"

"I'm beginning to regret this," Cas said as Dean dragged him over to the skates.

* * *

 

As per usual, Dean opted for flirting with the pretty worker, causing a sinking feeling to set in Cas' stomach.

He sighed.

He shouldn't be jealous.

He had no right to be.

He looked over at the two, the worker had been leaning over the counter towards Dean, tucking some strands of blonde hair behind her ear.

Cas passive-agressively tied his skates, and with a puff, he awkwardly wadled towards the rink.

He walked, a bit lopsided, across the carpet on the floor.

And then Dean caught up to him.

"Hey! You left me," he said jokingly.

"You seemed..." He looked Dean up and down before deciding on the right word, " _busy."_

"Busy enough for you to abandon me?"

"Well, at least you weren't alone. You had...whatever her name is."

Dean glanced back quickly in the girl's direction before looking at Cas once more, "Jo?"

"You had  _Jo."_

"Seriously? Jo? I've known her, like, my entire life, buddy. Maybe I had a thing for her before, but now? She's pretty much my  _sister."_

"Okay," he said, relieved but not entirely convinced.

"Listen," Dean said, forcing there eyes to meet before talking again, "I'm here with you. Not Joe. Not anyone else.  _You."_

"It's fine, Dean. I don't own you. You're allowed to talk to people."

He smiled, "C'mon, the ice is fonng melt at this rate."

Cas rolled his eyes, "I think that's physically impossible."

"You never know."

When they got on the ice, Cas' legs shook and inverted on themselves.

Dean outwardly laughed, "You've really never ice skated, huh?"

Cas, now clinging to the wall of the rink, shakily replied, "I thought we established that."

Muffling a giggle, Dean made his way over to Cas, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the safe wall.

He yelped, "What are you doing?"

He guided him along the ice, "It's okay, look Cas, it's okay."

Eventually he eased up and began to to glide on the ice rather than flailing.

Dean beamed, "See! Not so hard after all, huh?"

"Guess not," Cas said, a bit more confident in himself.

He'd live to eat his words, because not ten seconds later did he choke up, falling flat on his ass.

Dean burst out into laughter, doubling over.

Cas narrowed his eyes at him and then smirked before tripping Dean, dragging him down with him.

It was his turn to laugh now.

* * *

 

Needless to say this little field trip of theirs consisted of them seeing who could make the other fall more.

It was a blatant tie.

Everytime one of them went down, the other followed in their unfortunate footsteps.

While taking off their skates, Jo asked Dean if he had fun on his little date.

He couldn't respond with anything but a radiant smile.

That seemed to be answer enough for her.

They left a lot more sore and giddy than originally expected, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing to them.

Getting in the car was way too difficult than socially acceptable.

Their tripping war was proving to be a bad idea.

In hindsight, they should have known that from the beginning.

The drive was quiet for the most part, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

It was quite the opposite, in fact.

Dean sincerely seemed to enjoy Castiel's company no matter what.

He wished he could express that in a way that really made sense.

In a way that Cas could really understand just how much he truly meant to him.

* * *

 

Once they finally reached Cas' apartment complex, Dean turned to him, courage suddenly boiling up under his skin.

"Hey, Cas?" 

"Yes?"

"I - uh, had a really nice time today. I guess I always do when we hang out. You just kinda...draw that sort of feeling out of me. What I'm trying to say is, thank you for coming."

He didn't say much, but he knew that Cas got what he was getting at.

He leaned in and placed a soft peck on Dean's cheek, "Thank  _you,_ for inviting me."

The entire car ride back Dean blasted music and sang the lyrics excitedly.

He didn't care how obnoxious he seemed.

After all, Cas just drew that sort of feeling out of him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this little filler chapter, sorry I don't have anything better to post !!


	15. And God Knows You Need Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry for not updating, things have been tremendously hard and ive had absolutely no motivation to do anything at all, so i apologize to the 3 people who actually read this and i also apologize for it being quite short and all together kind of bad for the time it took to finally fucking update it

Break was over, and Dean was starting to notice how bearable his life had become with this newfound closeness he'd been sharing with Cas.

Long classes became shorter.

Gym was more enjoyable, now that he knew Cas was hating it just as much as he and Charlie were.

And at lunch, Cas was a riot. You'd never know from looking at him, but the guy was hilarious. Best part was, he didn't know he was hilarious. He just  _was._

It was the first time in, well,  _ever,_ that Dean had actually wanted to go to school.

In fact, he looked  _forward_ to it.

God, he sounded like such a nerd. Who looks forward to  _school?_

Him. He did, apparently. As long as that school had Cas in it.

All in all, things were actually looking up.

Or, they had been, for a while.

It was a normal day for the group. They were in the library, probably talking a little louder than they were supposed to be.

Dean wasn't certain what he and Cas were, at that point.

They weren't dating, but they sure as hell weren't platonic. That was clear enough, even to him.

Still, his uncertainty kept him from exploring. It scared him.

Maybe the two of then had shared some... moments, but what if that's all this was? Isn't that all  _anything_ is?

Just a series of moments.

Of course, there was always the fear that Cas didn't want this as bad as he did. That he just wanted something casual. Which was perfectly reasonable. They were in highschool. It's not like they were getting married.

But something that terrfied Dean even more was, what if Cas actually wanted to be serious? What if he wanted Dean like Dean wanted him?

What was he supposed to do when he got bored of him? When he became more of a hassle than a boyfriend? What would happen to them when Cas realized Dean wasn't good enough for him? What would happen when he realized he deserved more?

And that's why Dean held back. It was safe here.

No one was hurt like this. Everyone was still happy. Things remained calm and  _uncomplicated._

Too many things in life had been complicated, and Cas? 

Well, Cas was the one thing Dean couldn't stand to complicate. 

"I better get going," Cas said pushing himself away from the library table.

Dean looked at him and they made eye contact for a split second before he ducked his head back down, gulping, "Yeah, yeah you do that."

"See you later, Dean," he said, nodding towards him, "Charlie."

"Peace!" Charlie had said, winking.

After Cas had officially left the group, Charlie cleared her throat.

"Excuse me, what was that?"

Dean played dumb, "What was what?"

She waved her arms around rapidly, flabbergasted, " _That!"_

"Shhhhh!" Multiple people around shushed her.

"Oh, can it!" She snapped back.

Dean tried to stiffle his laughter with the back of his hand.

 "And you, " she pointed an accusatory finger at him, "What is going on between you and Cas?"

He tensed, trying to remain cool, and shrugged.

"I mean, I knew you guys had the hots for each other, but c'mon."

Dean smirked, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You-you did a thing!"

"A...thing?"

She nodded and rolled her eyes, "Yes, Dean. A thing. With your eyes."

He played it off, laughing, "Okay, Charlie.

"Crap, bell's about to ring. I'll see you later?"

She smiled, "Yep. And Dean?" She asked while he gathered his things together.

"Please, please don't run from this. You've got a good thing going, a  _really_ good thing. For once in your life, would you just let yourself have it?"

He sighed and gave her a forced smile, "Okay."

* * *

 

Come lunch time Dean still hadn't stopped thinking about what Charlie told him.

He was running wasn't he?

He tendency to back out of serious things. Things like relationships.

Yeah, commitment had never been Dean's strong suit.

And he was never strong when it came down the Cas, despite wanting to be.

He just couldn't fuck things up. He couldn't.

He wouldn't be able to handle fucking things up. Not with Cas. Never with Cas.

What if he hurt him? What if he made him cry? What if he ruined his life so badly that he could never forgive him?

Fucking up, now  _that_ was Dean's specialty. Ask anyone. 

He was sure his father could testify.

* * *

 

Cas splashed his face with water in the boy's bathroom.

It was clear that he and Dean had something between them. He was almost certain.

But if Dean felt the same way as him, why did he keep pulling back?

Just when he thinks they're getting somewhere, Dean just fully shuts down.

Cas wanted to say something, of course he did.

He wanted to say, 'Hey, idiot, I'm completely in love with you ,and call me crazy, but I don't think the feelings are unrequited.'

But he couldn't do that, because then Dean would surely be scared off. Maybe even for good.

God, he hated to even think it, but perhaps he should just give up on whatever they had.

If Dean wasn't ready for a relationship, he should respect that, right?

It'd be rude not to.

No matter how hard it would be to remain friends, he could do it. He could do anything if it meant Dean would stay by his side.

And at the end of the day, if the closest he ever got to getting what he wanted, what he  _really_ wanted, was that night at Charlie's.

He could live with that.

He could live with the ghost of Dean's lips mere inches away from his own.

He could live with their foreheads pressed together.

He could live with him on his lap, arms propped up on his shoulders.

He could live with his hands on his hips.

And he could live without anything more that that.

He'd probably have to, after all.

He looked at himself in the mirror once more, he tried to tame his messy hair but just ended up making it worse in the process.

Sometimes Cas felt like he wasn't really living his own life.

It more so seemed as if he was watching a movie of his life being played out before him.

He could only watch from afar, not quite sure if there was any point in even trying to gain some sort of control.

He'd looked down at his hands and they'd be completely and utterly foreign to him.

His body didn't feel like his own and he wished that humans could shed their skin, like snakes.

He thought that was why he loved nature so much.

It all had purpose. A reason. Every inch of it.

He supposed that maybe, just maybe, if he could tie himself to nature as much as possible, he too, could find his purpose.

But even with his bare feet in the grass, even with his senses completely bombarded with the smell of pine and oak and dew water, he could find nothing for himself.

He could  _make_ nothing of himself.

Offhandedly, Cas wondered if his purpose was to love Dean. To show Dean he was loved. To care for him.

He quickly shook the notion off.

He wasn't allowed to think like that anymore, he reminded himself as he exited the bathroom.

But it's hard to stop thinking.

Just like it's hard for the world to function without it's purpose.

If Dean really had been Cas' reason to be here, it sure was proving difficult to function without him.

With any luck he'd go extinct.


	16. Because He's Your Sunflower

Walking in the hallway after class, Cas and Dean were resisting one another.

When did they  _not_ resist, honestly?

All the while, Dean was content. He was comfortable where he stood and that's what, he presumed, mattered most.

And then someone bumped into him.

Alistair, gross.

"Hey, sorry bud," he said as calm and friendly as he could. The last thing he wanted was Alistair up his ass over something as small as a hallway collision.

He glared at Dean, "Watch where you're going next time, Winchester."

"You're the one who bumped into him, though?" Cas mumbled.

Alistair raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry?"

"You're the one who bumped into him. Wouldn't that mean you should watch where you're going? Sorry, I'm just a bit confused."

He stepped towards Cas, "Me too, I'm a bit confused on why you think I asked you."

Cas rolled his eyes, "I don't need a warrant to speak, sir," he sized him up and down, "and especially not from you."

"Cas, it's fine let's just- let's just go, " Dean pleaded, not wanting to start any trouble.

He glanced at Dean, slightly confused but more so concerned.

Suddenly, Alistair pushed Cas against one of the lockers, staring him down.

"Hey-" Dean tried to interject.

In the heat of the moment, a determined and  _angry_ look spread across Cas' face.

Then, he spit right on Alistair's left cheek.

He wiped it off, and then planted a blow to Cas' nose.

Blood started to drip through his nostril, and Dean was sure Cas would have hit him back had one of the teachers not taken Alistair to the principal's office.

"Dean, take mister Novak to the nurse's, will you?" She asked, leading a snarling Alistair out of the hallway with a disappointed look.

He looked at Cas, a pit forming in his stomach seeing the blood on his face.

He physically cringed.

"Well," Castiel gestured while holding his nose, "Lead the way."

Dean nodded, taking him to the nurse.

* * *

 

Turns out, the nurse was out on a lunch break, meaning Dean had to help with Cas' wounds on his own.

He wiped at the now dry blood on Castiel's lip, "You're seriously a fucking idiot, you know that? I mean, Christ, Cas."

He squinted.

"Like, you didn't have to do  _that_."

"No one technically has to do _anything_ , Dean."

"Stop saying weird shit like that, you got hurt over something so stupid. It's just- not like you, I guess."

"I did what I felt I needed to in the situation."

"What? Protect me?" Dean scoffed. 

Cas shrugged, "I suppose."

He frowned and finished cleaning him up and threw the wet towel in the sink, "I don't need protection, Cas. I don't know what you  _think_ I need, but I'm not some damsel in distress. You- You're not my fucking  _boyfriend!_ "

Cas stood up, clearly frustrated, "You're right, Dean. I'm  _not_ your boyfriend, but you sure to act like it sometimes."

"What?"

He shoved Dean into the counter, "Don't play stupid. 'Oh Cas, you're drivin' me nuts. Oh Cas, let me just sit on your lap. Oh Cas, let's sleep on the same couch together. Oh Cas, let me ruin your fucking life by pretending I don't want to be with you, by pretending nothing means anything to me!' "

"I-"

Cas' hands formed fists at his side, "I tried, Dean. I tried to act like this was okay with me. I pretend this was  _fine._ It's really not, and I have  _no_ idea how you really feel. If you want the same things- or if I'm just a joke to you, but this isn't working out. We both know it. So goddamn it, if you could stop being so emotionally constipated and just tell me how you  _feel_ , I could figure out how to deal with this."

Tears started to make their way down Cas' cheeks.

"No, no," Dean said as he rapidly wiped Cas' face, "Please don't cry.

"I- you're not a joke to me."

Cas swatted at his hands and pushed away from him, "Don't touch me.

"See, Dean, this is your problem. You act like you couldn't give less of a shit about me and then make me feel like I'm the only person alive.  _What_ are you so afraid of?"

"Well,  _sorry_ not everyone can be as fucking perfect as you and just have all of their shit in order, Castiel. Not everyone is the smartest person alive and actually have to think about shit before it comes to them!"

Cas nearly growled, "Are you kidding me-" 

He pulled Dean into an agressive kiss, and  _god,_ it would have been so good if under any other circumstance.

Not that it was bad, absolutely not.

It was  _amazing._

But Dean would have given the world for it to have happened in a different way.

Their teeth clashed against each other and he latched his hands into Cas' hair, pulling him closer.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and eventually, Cas pulled away from the kiss.

Wiping the spit off of his mouth, he smirked, " _Fuck_ you, Dean Winchester."

Cas stormed out of the room, flashing him the finger.

* * *

 

Dean went home and threw his backpack into the corner of the room.

He flopped down onto his bed and just, groaned.

He didn't know how long he laid there in his self pity until he heard a knock on the door.

"You okay, Dean?" 

It was Sam. Of course it was Sam.

"Uggggggghhhhhhhh."

He shuffled into Dean's room awkwardly, "What's wrong?"

He rolled over onto his back and stared up at his ceiling, "I think I fucked up, Sammy. Real bad."

Sam chucked, "Yeah, I could have guessed that."

Dean punched his shoulder, "This is serious, Sam!"

He shook his head, "Yeah, yeah. Just tell me what happened so I can evaluate the situation and tell you how to put your life back together."

He sighed and basically spewed out the entirety of events that unfolded mere hours ago.

"Wow, " Sam blinked, "Okay, well, that was a lot to takd in. More than I initially expected."

"So what d'you think? Am I royally fucked to the gods?"

Sam shifted on the bed, "I mean, maybe? Look, Dean, you and Cas obviously have something really special, and as much as I hate to admit it, you do deserve to be happy. So does Cas, for that matter. Clearly you guys are happiest with each other, and I don't think you should waste something so potentially amazing over one mistake. I suggest you just come clean and tell him exactly how you feel, doing the opposite is what got you into this situation, right?"

"Huh, who knew you could be so wise," Dean said pulling Sam into a noogie.

"Ow! Hey, watch the cast!"

Dean jumped out of bed, "Now if you don't mind, I have a date to plan."

Sam grinned, "I'll leave you to it, jerk."

"Thanks, bitch."

* * *

 

 It wasn't like Dean to make these big kinds of romantic gestures, but it also wasn't like him to fall head over heels for his best friend.

He supposed there was a first time for everything.

After hours of thinking and thinking, he finally decided on what he wanted (needed) to do in order to win Cas' heart.

At the ripe time of 2AM, Dean drove to Castiel's apartment complex.

He gulped as he knocked on the door.

Something he wasn't expecting was it being answered almost immediately, by  _Gabriel._

"Who are-" he squinted, "Oh my  _god._ You're Dean, aren't you?"

"Uh...yes?"

"And you're here for Cas I'm assuming?"

"Correct."

"Cool, cool, cool, hurt my brother and I'll tear you limb from limb. I may look cute, but I  _will_ destroy you, pretty boy. Do you hear me?"

"I uh...I really, really like your brother, and I think he's amazing. I promise to take good care of him, if he'll allow me, of course."

Gabriel smiled, "I was just messin' with ya man, but I like your dedication. I'll get Cas for you."

After some muffled sounds of distress and annoyance, Cas emerged from his room and sleepily made his way to the doorway.

He rubbed his eyes, "Hello, Dean-

"Wait, Dean? What the  _hell_ are you doing here? Go. Away."

Cas tried to close the door but Dean kept it forced open, "Hear me out."

He crossed his arms and sighed, "Do you know what hour it is, Dean?"

"I- I'm aware. Yes."

Cas rolled his eyes, "What do you want?"

"Follow me," Dean smiled suddenly walking back towards Baby.

"What?" Cas whisper-yelled, "I am  _not_ going to follow you! Do you know how late it is?"

Despite his words, Cas trailed after him.

"Dean, Dean! It's freezing! I'm in pajamas! I have  _slippers_ on!  _Dean!_ "

When they finally got to the car, Dean threw his jacket at Cas, "Here, y'said you were cold, right?"

He pulled it over his shoulders, "Such a gentleman," Cas remarked sarcastically.

 Dean didn't say anything the entire car ride, he just sat there with a smug look on his face.

"Where in the world are you taking me? Oh god, please tell me you're not going to murder me. Please, Dean, I have all A's. Someone's going to have to take care of Gabe. Financially, that is. I mean, I love him, being my big brother and all, but that man is so lazy sometimes it's physically painful. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm sure if I could get into a good college I could provide enough money for the both of us to live quite comfortably. So you see why killing me would be distasteful, not only for me but for my brother as well and- where are we? Oh please don't kill me, Dean-"

They finally made it to the destination site.

Wow, that did kind of sound like Dean was going to kill him, huh?

"We're here, " he grinned, "Come on."

"Jesus, Dean, why are we at the park?"

He remained silently smiling to himself.

"Why are we at the park? It's 2AM. Well, at least if I die, I'll decompose and some use will come from my body."

Dean refrained from saying that he could find other uses for Cas' body.

Dean stopped walking in front of the garden and Cas bumped into him.

"What the-"

"Look, this is where we first met," he said facing Cas.

"Oh. Oh! The garden! I haven't been here in years!" He dropped to his knees and examined the flowers.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, sorry I couldn't bring you at a better time.

"It's still technically winter so there's not as many bees and I know you like those and the flowers haven't started blooming yet so-"

Cas smiled up at him.

"What?"

"I-I don't know."

"I love you."

"What?" 

"I love you."

"No, I got that part, but Dean,  _what?_ "

"I love you. I love you so much, Cas. You're the smartest person I know. You're so funny and witty without even trying. You can talk for hours about things like, " he waved his arms around the garden, "bees and flowers. When you dance, Jesus, when you dance. I can barely breathe, I don't understand how someone can look so damn good. You make me feel so fucking happy and I don't know what to do without you. I am  _so_ sorry for fucking things up, because you deserve to hear this everyday. Even if you don't want to be with me, and I can see why you wouldn't, I won't stop telling you how much I love you, because I never want you to forget it."

 "Dean-" 

"I love you."

Cas laughed as he stood up and pulled Dean into a clumsy kiss.

"I love you, too."

They smiled against each other and just revelled in each other's mouths for a while.

After a bit, Cas bit his lip and smiled in a way that drove Dean crazy.

"What?"

Cas took a step back and held out his hand, "Dean Winchester, would you make the happiest man alive, and talk to the bees with me?"

And this time, Dean really did dance.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna thank everyone who read along my first fanfic !! and i know it's not AMAZING bc well, it's the first of, hopefully, many more and ive genuinely enjoyed writing this, i AM in fact working on a new story so stay tuned for ;))))


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